Disputatious Spirit

Never Fails

The Mark of a Small Mind... Oh my, Really!!!

Shalom Haverim (Friends),

I have been sequestered by the Lord for some time now, but I am writing this today to share with you something that has happened to me, something very good during that sequestered time.


My Confession

I have been disputatious and did not even know that I was being this way to the Lord. May 18th 2013 the chains of that "disputatious spirit" I was carrying fell off of me and I have been set free to LOVE in Messiah like He did. I remain committed to Messiah Yeshua as always, nevertheless, I do not at this time, want to be called a "Christian" or even be a part of "Christianity at large." I find for the most part, "Christianity" to be "loveless," carrying a "disputatious spirit" as well. If you do not know what "disputatious" means, a person who is disputatious is fond of having heated arguments and are truly motivated by strong opinions always thinking they have the corner on "the truth." That my friend was me for a long time, but not any more! Now I am motivated by Messiah's unique kindness and LOVE for mankind created in God's image and likeness. I want to be led by His unique LOVE, which is kind and very unique in its own way. I now understand that my God could not LOVE me more than He does, and nothing I can do will cause Him to LOVE me less. He is the Author of my faith and the Perfecter of it as well, just as Hebrews 12:2 tells me. Bless His holy name for His unique LOVE. He gets the job done, Amen!

"He (God) knew how or why everything happened; He knew the disposition of every single soul. He wasn't going to let anything happen by accident! No body was going to go to Hell by mistake. This was His world, all this. He had complete control of it; His justice, His mercy-were not our justice or our mercy. What folly to even imagine such a thing. I didn't have to know how He was going to save the unlettered and the unbaptized, or how He would redeem the conscientious heathen who had never spoken His name. I didn't have to know how my gay friends would find their way to Redemption or how my hardworking secular humanist friends could or would receive the power of His saving Grace. I didn't have to know why good people suffered agony or died in pain. He knew. And it was His knowing that overwhelmed me, His knowing that became completely real to me. And why should I remain apart from Him just because I couldn't grasp all this? He could grasp it."

Anne Rice 2010

The above quote is from Anne Rice's book entitled:
CALLED OUT OF DARKNESS. It opens with the quote: "This book is about Faith in God." Anne Rice turned to Christ and found her trusting faith in Him in the year two thousand. Her faith came by her studying the New Testament for a new book she was writing. Then after ten years living as a "Christian" she wrote this:

"For those who care, and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else... My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become."

-Anne Rice, author 2010

Hearing that quote for the first time presented to me by Pastor Andy Stanley (
Your Move) blessed my heart so much I had to tape his sermon entitled: "Christian" - Part 2 Quitter and listen to it again. It is well worth listening too, it is free and on on-line.

I have been where Anne Rice has been for some years now, fully fed up with "Christianity" and those who name the name of Christ as their Saviour but do not really follow His teachings. Did you hear what she said about the earth you who worry about global warming? This world is
"sustained by a loving God" and that bit of information is crucial to me because I had given up on it. Then Anne Rice added this too, which for me I had to swallow very hard to get it all down.

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian."

Tilt, Tilt, Tilt!

That was my mind you just heard going
Tilt, Tilt, Tilt to what she was saying. You see I am all those things she said she was NOT going to be in the name of Christ. Ouch that hurt me deeply! I was even more "anti-things" than she was I found out during my time in prayer with God.

In the name of Messiah, I had refused to hate gay people long ago, only their life style knowing it was not of God and living that way would indeed send them to Hell one day if they did not repent and stop their sinning. Romans 1:26-27 popped into my mind as I thought of my own cousin dying years ago of Aids because of his indecent acts of sin, leaving his wife for a man: "For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error."

I refused to be a "feminist" because I saw that it led to much sinning in women, and also caused hatred of men. I was at one-time many years ago a "feminist," so I know of what I speak.

I was now refusing to HATE Liberals and Democrats just because they were one. Hating them is not of God, but I did not like being around them at all.

I refused to be a secular-humanism because I was once one, and all it did was caused me great pain. However, if that is what they wanted to be, they have the right to be one and I have the right to witness the truth of Messiah to them because we still have a free country. Who knows one day that may not be the case, and my witness for the Lord maybe called HATE SPEECH one day.

I refused to be anti-science like Rice was at one-time because science has now proven God does excite. I always believed it would find out the truth of that biblical fact one day, and it has, although many refuse to believe it.

I refuse to be anti-life and will always feel that way because I know how every human life is so important to God. But if you want to kill your baby in your womb you have that right do so because in this country (USA), we have a very bad law on the books that allows you to get an abortion and kill your baby. I hate that law, and I pray every day it is over-turned in the Supreme Court one day very soon.

Yes, in the name of my Hebrew Messiah, Yeshua, I quit Christianity and being a Christian because I found it was not what the Messiah would have called me. My Hebrew Messiah came to make for Himself "disciple" and build His Church (E'dah - Ex 12:3), a witnessing body of people who would follow Him on a narrow path, one however, that is fully paved with unique kindness and LOVE for the lost and dying sinners of this world, of which I was one. I believe no one goes to Hell for their sin, they go to Hell for not excepting Messiah Jesus' work on the cross on their behalf. I did that in 1985, and I praise God for that. God saw fit that I was also "discipled" by a wonderful godly woman for better than 6 months because I was clueless about Christ. That made all the difference in the world to me. And I thank God every day for my mother in the faith, Carolyn.

Now I thought I was okay the way I was going because I hated SIN so much, which is not a bad thing to hate because God hates SIN too. And if you must hate something, SIN is not bad to hate. However, the revelation that came to me that weekend when the Messiah entered
Arrowhead Messianic Congregation on what I call a "Chai Sabbath." (A Chai Sabbath is when the Shabbat falls on the 18th day of the month); was so freeing for me in light of where I have been these last few years. During the worship part of service the Angel of the Lord (The Messiah) came in by His Spirit and cut chains off of me and some others in the room. To me, His message was simply stated in my ear: "You are not the Saviour of the world... Yeshua, your Messiah is, so stand down!"

I tell you true; in the spirit realm I heard my chains hit the ground around my feet, oh what a sound of freedom. I did not know until that very second that I was bound by them, but I know now that I really was. I can say today in the Spirit I am free at last, and it feels great to be set free by the Lord! Yeshua tells us we are to hate SIN, but love the SINNER, not an easy task some times.

Contending for "The Faith"

I hear many of you saying
"But Barbara, we are to contend for our faith," and yes my friend we are to contend for "the faith" for sure; Jude 1:3 tells us that, especially in these the last days. However, we are to do it always "motivated" by the kindness of Messiah's unique kind of LOVE. That LOVE is a Spirit, The Spirit of God.

Speak the truth in LOVE knowing that LOVE never fails is the main key when talking to a sinner. Never do it with condemnation in your mind, but with the God kind of LOVE He'd have for them.

You know how the old saying goes: "There but for the GRACE of God, go I."

The story of this saying is widely circulated. This phrase was first spoken by the English evangelical preacher and martyr, John Bradford (circa 1510-1555). He is said to have uttered the variant of the expression - "There but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford," when seeing criminals being led to the scaffold. He didn't enjoy that grace for very long, however. He was burned at the stake in 1555, although, by all accounts he remained very sanguine about his ill fate, and is said to have suggested to a fellow victim that day he died: "We shall have a merry supper with the Lord this night."

I use that old saying allot. Really, every time I see bad things happen to nice people, I say it. Of late, I have said it of the people who lost their homes and lives due to the bad storms the US has suffered, always heart braking to me.

Yeshua is God and God is LOVE, 1 John 4:8 proclaims to us

For we know that in Messiah Yeshua (Jesus Christ) there is neither Jew or Gentile, because this means nothing to Him, but having TRUSTING FAITH in Him and working His kind of unique LOVE, whether we are Jew or Gentile, reveals everything to us. (Galatians 5:6). Although I do know that if I turn a sinner from the "error" of his or her way, I will have saved that person's soul from spiritual death. This then is an act of love because God sees it as being like Messiah's LOVE flowing from you. We do have the power to forgive sin, you know, when a person repents; the Bible tells us so in John 20:23. Love therefore covers a multitude of SIN and I believe we are called as "disciple" to that task in Yeshua's holy name based on James 5:20 and John 20:23. Amen.

So yes we must speak out when we see people sinning, because sin is not of God. However we must do it in the kindness of Messiah's unique LOVE. Because that is how the WORLD will KNOW we are His "disciples." We are not to love the world or the evil things in it; however, we are called to love our enemies. Yeshua tells us this plainly as is written by Matthew in 5:44. This is not always an easy task, but with God's help, and our daily prayers desiring it, it is fully possible to do. Amen.

James Henley Thornwell wrote this, and it spoke to me, maybe it will to you as well:

"But little is gained if opinions are crammed into men; and this is likely to be the case where they are not permitted
to inquire and to doubt. At the same time it must be remembered that no spirit is more unfriendly to that indifference of mind so essential to freedom of inquiry than that which arises in the conduct of controversy. When we become advocates we lay aside the garb of philosophers. The desire of victory is often stronger than the love of truth; and pride, jealousy, ambition and envy, identifying ourselves with our opinions, will lend their aid to pervert our judgments and to seduce us from our candor. A disputatious spirit is always the mark of a little mind. The cynic may growl, but he can never aspire to the dignity of character. There are undoubtedly occasions when we must contend earnestly for the truth; but ... we should look well to our own hearts, that no motives animate us but the love of truth and zeal for the highest interests of man.

James Henley Thornwell, quoted in Credenda Agenda, Volume 5 Number 2, p. 3, from Collected Writings, Vol II, Banner of Truth, 1974, pp. 511-2

Do you hear that saints, so much of this rings truth in my heart, but most of all this line: "A disputatious spirit is always the mark of a little mind!"

Ouch again, I hated to think of myself having a little mind. Yet what the Lord showed me was I had a "disputatious spirit" and He was ridding me of that spirit that day by cutting off the chains that had me so bound by it. I praise God I am free at last of that little mind and disputatious spirit. I pray I'll never pick up those chains ever again. Today I am asking you to search your mind to see if you have a "disputatious spirit" living inside of you? If you find you do, then please repent of it so you too can be set free. My sign post moment was May 18th 2013, and I'm happier today because of it. Even the ankle pain that I have been dealing with for some time now has gone away by His love and His grace. All the swelling in it has gone down and the pain has left with it. I know it's not mind over matter, my left ankle feels normal now. God has healed me in many ways.

Pray about it, if you find that you have a "disputatious spirit" then turn (repent) to God and become a "Messiah Centric Disciple" and not a "Christian" filled with hate for those who do not
"think like you think" or "believe what you believe" or "live like you live."

For myself, like Rabbi Sha'ul (Paul), I have determined to KNOW nothing among those who call themselves "Disciples" or "Christians" except Yeshua Messiah (Jesus Christ), and Him crucified. (1 Corinthians 2:2). I want to be found by Him having His kindness and love for this dying world when He comes, which could be any day or even fifty years from now. What about you?

I asked the Lord what were others words for "disputatious" since that is not a word that I knew? He said, "Look it up" so I did. Others words for "disputatious" would be: argumentative, quarrelsome, difficult, contrary, contentious and even, perverse. What came to mind was Proverbs 21:19: "It is better to live in a dry desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman." Ouch again! But I kept digging and found these words too: fractious, troublesome, and hostile to people. Once again I had to REPENT before God of being "disputatious."

But by His grace I heard Him say,
Remember Barbara, no one but God can SEE what you Believe, but they can see your LOVE when you show it in acts of lovingkindness.

Keep in mind too; God never gets mad at LOST things, neither should we. SIN on the other hand will always break our heart if we love God, just as it does our Father's heart. True repentance will always stir our hearts to do good, as it stirs our Father's heart in heaven. I love Him so much and want to please Him more than I want to draw my next breath, and He knows that.

Please feel free to share this testimony with others. Thank you for taking the time and reading this, I feel blessed to know and love you in Messiah Yeshua.

Shalom Haverim,

Barbara <><

PS: I am not a Calvinists and never will be because I believe in the "Whosoever wills" in the Word of God. If the One Who "sustains all things" says; "Whosoever will call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved," He means just that. You have a choice to either accept or deny His invitation to be redeemed when He comes a calling on you. What will it be for you my friend, what will it be? Being in a relationship with Him is far better than being in relationship with any Church, or Pastor or Rabbi who believes in Him. They may let you down one day, but He never will. Be a "Messiah Centric Disciple" and get to know God on your own by studying and reading God's Word, as well as being in a joyful Community where you can love on people. My transformation in Messiah is radical and of course ongoing just like Anne Rice's, but I am NOT sure I am called to be an "outsider" as she put it because my conscience tells me God loves His Church (Ed'ah in Hebrew - a witnessing body, Ex 12:3) no matter how broken she is right now. And if He loves her, then I love her, even when she does not love me, or even when she gives me no place to voice my opinions or my woes.

Please, if you take anything away from reading my article on a "disputatious spirit" let it be this: "God tells us we are to HATE SIN, but LOVE the SINNER like Yeshua did and does and there are 'NO BUTS' about that FACT." Amen.

by Robert Stevenson

The first pine to the second said:
"My leaves are black, my branches red;
I stand upon this moor of mine,
A hoar, unconquerable pine."

The second sniffed and answered: "Pooh!
I am as good a pine as you."

"Discourteous tree," the first replied,
"The tempest in my boughs had cried,
The hunter slumbered in my shade,
A hundred years ere you were made."

The second smiled as he returned:
"I shall be here when you are burned."
So far dissension ruled the pair,
Each turned on each a frowning air,
When flickering from the bank anigh,
A flight of martens met their eye.
Sometime their course they watched; and then
They nodded off to sleep again.

Stevenson, Robert. Moral Emblems: And Other Poems
London: Chatto & Windus, 1921. 1945.

~~~~~~~~~~~MHM End Note~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalms 68:19-20

19 Blessed be the Lord (Adonay Yeshua), who daily bears our burden (Isa 53:11), the God (El) who is our Salvation (Yeshuw'ah). Selah (Pause and calmly think about that). 20 God (El) is to us a God (El) of Deliverances (Mowsha'ah); and to GOD (Yahweh), the Lord (Adonay Yeshua) rescues us from death. (AGI)