Grandma's Wisdom

Happy 80th Birthday

June 2005

Dear Chris,

Well dear my thoughts this morning are of you as they have been for several weeks. I've been mentally involved with every aspect of your forth coming wedding but today it's mostly your marriage.

First let me with you a very lovely birthday. Know that this new year of your life will be the beginning of a brand new chapter.

Now for the lecture - please don't go to sleep on me this time and do hold onto these words to ponder later when your mind and spirit aren't so crowded with the present and all it involves.

All my feelings for you have always come from my heart and my love for you. My words & advice have only your welfare and happiness in mind. You're a part of me and I feel entitled and qualified to pass on these thoughts. I don't think I know it all and above all I know everyone has to live their own life - their own way, but because I have had a good life I feel compelled to try and inspire and guide you to achieve the same. A person never stops learning and this new adventure of marriage is a constant procession of lessons with the most golden, ultimate goal.

You will soon take your vows; the words you are committing you to a promise. The promise is to Andy but it also is a meaningful purpose made to by you. There are times when that commitment will be the thread that holds it all together. The words don't mean a thing without the purpose.

You made a commitment to your baby when you had him and think of all the happiness and fulfillment that that has given you with so much more still to come.

The years before Sincere, were yours - then they really changed and you learned someone else had to be considered and many times put first. Now you have someone else to consider and many times he will have to be put first. It's a very definite balancing act and the constant challenge is just "life". Your time with your son has been a success. Now go on and make a success of this marriage.

Remember things aren't always fair - never equal (50-50) and never just what you thought they would be. Remember when clouds come your way or things are bad-it could always be worse. If things are good-don't ask for "more". I've always been afraid, He might ask me "what I'd be willing to exchange" for the "more" I wanted and I never wanted to lose anything I already had.
Please keep in mind how different men are from women. You haven't had too many men in your life that have really inspired you but they are not only necessary - they are God's creation and the reason God created woman. At least that is what I believe. Without man there would be no woman. Man was not complete and so He made woman. Then He made us Mothers and that's where it all started with the "unit" or family.

No man has ever been in charge of you - responsible for you - committed to you, and visa-versa. This is the unspoken attitudes and feelings that go with marriage. The standing together - belonging and knowing that each of you as individuals are not separate or alone. You have to work to keep your promise.

Andy is a man - your man although his own man. Don't try to change him. Always remember what you loved about him down the road. Don't belittle him - he's your hero. Don't disappoint him - be his inspiration, his helpmate and his confidant. Be honest and faithful.

I see so much intolerance, infidelity and indifference in marriage now days. Try to follow the Golden Rule. "Do unto others what you would have others do unto you".

Use the factors of math as a guide:
1. Responsibilities
2. Attention
3. Time
4. Problems
5. Blame
1. Criticism
2. Impatience
3. Jealousy
4. Doubt
5. Insecurities
1. Belief
2. Trust
3. Encouragement
4. Tolerance
5. Serenity
1. Faith
2. Determination
3. Energy
4. Pride
5. And a whole lot of love

You mentioned once that you remembered me telling you "if you were happy so too would your baby be happy". I don't really think that is to be case with your husband. He is an adult with very different needs and many experiences already a part of him. I might almost say if he is happy so too will you be happy.
Pay attention don't be indifferent - don't be selfish. Talk to him, coax him - serve him (the word means many things look it up). You know how independent your Grandma is; still I say and truly believe all I've ever written to you. I have not always been able to practice and use all these ideas but often enough I guess to endure and appreciate this relationship or affair with my husband of 57 years.

I hope you live for 77 years. If you do perhaps you will have the same fulfillment, satisfaction & happiness I have had.

You are now just starting the rest of your life. I hope you build good memories (the bad ones fade away). Memories are a good part of the age we all get to, whatever it is. Not everyone gets to be old but let everyday you are given have no regrets.

We all make mistakes but you learn from every experience. Your life is the whole sum of those experiences.

Be brave - be honest & be happy.

I send you all my very deepest good wishes and love.


© 2005 - All Rights Reserved By Chris


I'd like to thank Chris' grandmother for her wise words, full of wisdom to Chris. I believe many will benefit from your wisdom dear lady. You have a really unique and wonderful granddaughter. Happy 80th Birthday!!! May the good Lord grant you many more years to distill your rich wisdom to your family. God bless and keep you.


Rev. Barbara A. Di Gilio Th.D. <><

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